I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
