You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
