babies were throwing up all over the place
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
