very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
