It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just blew my weed a kiss
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
