I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
