So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
