so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
