I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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