I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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