Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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