im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
