im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Randomize
