i would punch a child for taco bell
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
