Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
