those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
