God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
