for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
3 2 1 whiskey
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
