I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
