Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
