I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
