So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
