i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
