You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
