I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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