My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
