My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
What a dumb baby whore.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
