So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
