omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
