cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
