First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
