Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
