i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
