I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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