I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
