so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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