Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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