I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
