i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
