Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
