I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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