I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
