I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
