I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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