i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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