I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
