saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
