I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
