Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Bring me that man meat
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
