i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Oh god it's open bar.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
