I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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