just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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