I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
